Phil Steele has a fancy computer and he’s not afraid to use it. This is not news, of course. Phil and his computer crunched the numbers and picked the Tigers to finish 5th in the Big 12 North, which promptly chipped our boys’ shoulders and made them work all that much harder. Thank you Phil and your supercomputer.

To Phil Steele’s credit, he doesn’t turn the damn thing off once the season kicks off. On the contrary, each week his personal HAL 9000 ciphers and deciphers the current college football landscape to project each conference’s final standings. It’s fascinating. And maybe crazy. And at times illogical. Always fun, though. Here’s how that big tub of chips sees the Big 12 breaking down:

North:

1. Nebraska, 7-1. Only loss to OU.
2. Mizzou, 5-3. Losses in its first three conference games.
3. Colorado, 4-4. Computer obviously infected with the Scipio Tex virus.
4. Kansas, 2-6. Only wins are against ISU and K-State. The computer goes out on a limb to predict that CU and KU will both lose the CU/KU game.
5. Kansas State, 1-7. Win at Farmaggedon.
6. Iowa State, 0-8. Computer is not as impressed as the Harris Poll voters.

South:

1. Texas, 8-0. Red River Rivalry champ!
2. Oklahoma, 7-1. Not that.
3. Oklahoma State, 6-2. Losses to you know who.
4. Texas Tech, 3-5. Will drop its game against NU.
5. Texas A&M, 2-6. Will only beat the weakest of the North.
6. Baylor, 1-7. The computer is calling for another double loss when Baylor and Tech meet up.

Personally, I think the double-loss predictions are the computer’s nod to Joshua, whose favorite game was one where there were only losers. Heavy.

Would you like to play a game?

Gives me chills….

As per the computer, the rest of the nation’s champions are:

ACC: Clemson and Virginia Tech win their divisions. Exciting! Or not.
Big 10: Penn State with its only loss out of the way early.
Big East: Pitt goes 7-0 in the conference.
PAC 10: USC, like Penn State, has its only loss out of the way.
SEC: Division champs are Florida and Ole Miss, who will beat Alabama at home for the tie-breaker.

Other D1 conferences.

MWC: BYU goes undefeated.
CUSA: Tulsa trips up Houston to take on conference with Southern Miss taking the other.
MAC: Central Michigan and Bowling Green!!! take their divisions.
WAC: Boise State. Who else?
Sun Belt: Troy. Yeah, I know, who cares?

So, that’s what Phil Steele’s computer thinks.  KU going 2-6 in the conference.  Jayhawk fans, take heart, you’ll still be bowl eligible.