Football Articles
No Taunting Please….
Posted by Phenomenal Smith on February 19th, 2009 under Football
Ok, so the NCAA likes to sit around and think of all the problems that don’t exist and then legislate the hell out of them. It’s awesome. There is ongoing discussion of prohibiting players from using jet pack devices, brass knuckles, and wearing clown shoes. But before they tackle those pretend issues, the NCAA, in all its glory, wants to take points off the board(!!!) as penalty for what it perceives to be taunting. Seriously.
I’m not a proponent of taunting. I try hard not to taunt those at work who I totally pwn with an in your face memo or a over-the-top XTREME power point presentation. So, it’s not like I think throat slashes have a place in college football. But, dude, scoring a touchdown is not easy, it’s a ton of fun, takes a shitload of work, is pretty damn important to your team’s success, and for many, doesn’t happen all that often. Let’s celebrate! Here are the specifc actions the NCAA may deem worthy of point removal and/or ejection.
- Abusive, threatening or obscene language or gestures.
I have no problem with penalizing this, but I’d prefer ejecting the player v. taking points off the board. That’s true for all these.
- Pointing the fingers, hands, arms or ball at an opponent or imitating the slashing of the throat.
Slashing the throat – don’t do that. Eject a player for that. Fine. I mean, I haven’t seen this in several years anyway, so it’s not like it has to be singled out, but whatever. Pointing at an oppoenent, though? Who cares? That’s good natured battle communication right there. If the refs take a TD off the board for that I’m not going to be happy.
- Simulating the firing of a weapon or placing a hand by the ear to request recognition.
I just like how this one is worded. So proper.
- Obviously altering stride.
I guess they mean high-stepping into the end zone. I think this is cool and should be encouraged. Please do not tell me that they’d ever penalize Sweetness for high stepping.
- Diving into the end zone.
Again, this is cool and should be encouraged. Especially by the opponent because it comes with a risk of injury.
And Texas wins! Wait, no, Ohio State wins the Fiesta Bowl!!!
- Punching one’s own chest or crossing one’s arms in front of the chest while standing over a prone player.
Punching one’s own chest does happen all the time – especially after sacks and whatnot. Sacks are fun and quite a chore to get, so let the kid celebrate. Why is this taunting? We expect these kids to motor motor motor, fight fight fight, battle with giant 300 pounders, and when they win this battle, we expect them to dust themselves off and go back to their positions? That’s bullshit. Now, standing over an opponent is not sportsmanlike, so throw a flag.
Fifteen yards for jungle taunting!
- Going into the stands to interact with spectators or bowing at the waist after a good play.
Does this ever happen in college football? My favorite part is that it’s only a penalty after the subjective “good play.”
One of the other new rule changes being recommended is that a punter doing a rugby style kick can be roughed. Clearly, the powers that be find that this strategic tactic that is, gasp!, different from the way punting has been done for countless years to be a lesser form of football and the punter should be jacked about the head for it. Good work, rules guys. Don’t let the game evolve and improve. Stagnation is the goal.
These rule changes are still a ways off. The changing a dead ball foul into a live-ball penalty may only occur on TD plays if the infraction takes place before getting to the end zone. Seems like a stupid distinction to me. If a player dives after he’s in the end zone, that’s a TD. If he dives from the two yard line, that ball gets moved back to the 17 and there’s no TD. What difference does it make? What have they fixed? Nothing. But, that’s par for the course.
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Professor Van Nostrand said:
February 19th, 2009 at 1:59 pm
“placing a hand by the ear to request recognition” a/k/a the Rick Flair Rule.
Excessive celebration penalties should be defined like Potter Stewart defined obscenity: You know it when you see it.
These laundry lists of prohibited behaviors suck because there is no way to account for the circumstances surrounding the event.
The flag on Texas for diving into the endzone was the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen. There is no other acceptable way that dude to enter the promised land.
Gene Claude said:
February 19th, 2009 at 10:04 pm
Phenom, incredibly agree. I wonder if our hand shaking would be prohibited? Nah, that’s too whitebread.
The absolute worst is obviously altering stride. First, is there a reason to add “obviously” there? If it isn’t obvious, would they have called it? If you alter your stride because you blew your hammy, is that a penalty?
The rugby style kick rule, I assume, is because there is some claim that it is difficult to tell if the punter is taking off to run or not? It wouldn’t be fair, I guess, to allow a punter to sprint towards the line and then kick right before getting annihilated. I dunno.
Gene Claude said:
February 19th, 2009 at 10:08 pm
And, on the throat slash thing….has there been some uptick in random beheadings or throat slashes since this gesture was invented? Are the youth of America now enamored with taking out windpipes? I mean, does anyone seriously see a player do this and think “Oh man, he wants to murder that person by removing their head or perhaps just slicing their windpipe?”
If I were in the NCAA, I would move towards a Dalton-esque reach in and rip out the living windpipe mime. That would totally freak out the 2 current NCAA players who have seen Road House and would technically not violate the rules.
FarmerTed said:
February 19th, 2009 at 11:51 pm
First of all, Gene, I guess you haven’t heard about Detroit’s new 66th Street Strong Safeties, who tackle and throat-slash innocent bystanders. I’m pretty sure they do their work while doing a fair amount of roving, like all good gangs.
I will only support these extra penalties if they are subject to a mandatory review by instant replay:
“Bowing at the waist after a good play” would have to be carefully examined — “Let’s have another look…yes, it looks to me like his knees are bending while he’s bowing, Jim, which by rule eliminates the bow…”
“Simulating the firing of a weapon” — “Fred, from this angle you can clearly see his fingers pulling back on an invisible string….that’s a bow and arrow, Fred, which technically isn’t ‘fired’”.
Or “Bob, his hand is clearly placed by his ear, but from this angle I don’t see the recognition request.”
As for “pointing the fingers, hands, arms or ball at an opponent”, if someone can point his arms — but not his fingers or hands — at an opponent, I think his team should be awarded points, not docked some.
Sailor Ripley said:
February 20th, 2009 at 1:21 am
Great stuff, Phenom. This whole thing sounds like that spoof commercial on SNL where one of the side effects was “hot dog fingers”.
The NCAA really is a collection of gaseous mandarins.
Gene Claude said:
February 20th, 2009 at 7:42 am
As to your last point, Farmer:
As for “pointing the fingers, hands, arms or ball at an opponent”, if someone can point his arms — but not his fingers or hands — at an opponent, I think his team should be awarded points, not docked some.
I see an unintended effect of your proposed rule that handsless persons see a huge uptick in their recruitment. And bully for them, I say, it is about time they get a pet sport.
Gene Claude said:
February 20th, 2009 at 7:55 am
I picture the NCAA rules committee members looking something like this:
hobbs said:
February 20th, 2009 at 11:58 am
Man, that is about the most dumb-ass laundry list of crap that I have ever seen. Any team that loses points for one of these outrageously inappropriate transgressions will justifiably scream bloody f’in murder.
Like most, I’m no big fan of the taunt, but this is ridiculous.
Gene Claude said:
February 20th, 2009 at 1:46 pm
I’m actually a pretty big fan of the taunt, as long as it is unusual and creatively performed. But then again, I’m not most either.
FarmerTed said:
February 21st, 2009 at 12:23 am
I’m just glad that even with these changes, the pointed knee taunt — half-cannonball dive style — will survive.
Gene Claude said:
February 21st, 2009 at 9:33 am
If you were a serious fan of taunts, Farmer, you would know this is called the Jacknife Taunt. Poser.
TaylorTRoom said:
February 21st, 2009 at 11:11 am
I really like this post. Your 1st sentence really sums it up about the NCAA. I’ve studied NCAA history, and it is amazing how successful this organization that represents a few hundred schools has been at revising the rules so that a few select schools get a huge competitive advantage.