Every few months I embark on the task of re-cataloging my Playboy collection.  This is important work that I take seriously.  This week I was putting the magazines in two piles – sexual and asexual (having been doing this for so long, I’m sort of running out of themes).  As you might imagine, the sexual pile was much much taller, and in fact, the asexual pile had one lone entry. 

You might ask yourself, what does this have to do with the Chase for Most Efficient Mizzou Passer?  Well, how about everything?

 I felt drawn to this Playboy magazine, which unlike the rest of this dog-eared bunch, was in near-mint condition, almost like it’d never been opened.  It opened and my eyes were immediately drawn to words that, true to the cover, screamed “ASEXUAL!”  You’ve got it – Phil Johnson.  The worldwide leader in air brushery had this to say about Mizzou and its most efficient passer:

Coach Bob Stull has so far been unable to turn things around at Missouri. Stull’s three-year record is 9-23-1, and the Tigers finished an anemic 3-7-1 last season. Bright spots for Missouri this season will be 6′5″ junior quarterback Phil Johnson, whom pro scouts are already eyeing, and wide receiver Victor Bailey, who had 29 catches for 508 yards last season. Stull’s defense appears devoid of impact players.

Imagine that!  It should be noted that the October 1992 issue printed a retraction, revealing that it had incorrectly spelled “Jeff Handy.” Nevermind that – for one whole month Baby Joe Waterboy held the torch of Missouri football high for all 14 year old boys hiding in their parents’ basements.  Quite an honor.

When we last left our Passing Efficiency combatants, Chase Daniel held a slight 19.1 lead over the man who once graced the pages of a Sandra Bernhard-covered magazine.  Since then, Chase played the Sisters of the Poor co-ed team against whom he registered a rating of 160.4.  Not bad, but below his season average.  The gap between the two has narrowed to 16.9.

Is it nerves?  Probably.  Has this elusive white whale become the bane of Chase Daniel’s existence?  In a word, yes.  Johnson has managed a 12% gash in Chase’s lead, but a much larger one in Chase’s psyche.  This record has become bigger than Mizzou football – Playboy is now involved!

As we’ve laid out before, Chase would have to completely and totally collapse for him not to break Johnson’s record.  Again, though, last year he had the record firmly in hand going into the Big 12 Championship game and it got away, so we are taking nothing for granted. 

If you haven’t already done so, you should check out Euclid’s Predictawhale (that’s sounds much dirtier than it is).  At the Predictawhale, you can enter in the numbers you think Chase will get in the final three games and learn Phil’s fate before anyone else.  Coming soon is Euclid’s Pocket Predictawhale (patent pending) that you can carry to the games and enter in each stat as it happens.  Riveting stuff!  Go yards per attempt!  Come on touchdown percentage!  Be efficient, be be efficient, b-e e-f-f-i-c-i-e-n-t efficient, be be efficient, woo woo! 

Until the Pocket Predictawhale is available in fine retail shops near you, we’ll have to be content with the knowledge that even if Chase breaks the record, Phil will always have something Chase doesn’t – a connection to Sandra Bernhard.  Way to go.